…watch out for the supermarket ewoks

Supermarket ewoks aren’t bad creatures, exactly. But they are slow, and they WILL take up the full width of the aisle where possible.  Supermarket ewoks are generally squat, with no discernible neck and a great bulk of coated shoulder, like a wingspan. They may be men or women, or some indistinguishable combination of the two, but without exception they use their trolley as an extension of themselves, creating one single snail-paced mass of ewokness.

Supermarket ewoks don’t mean to jam your life into one freeze-framed consumer ordeal after another, but they do, for the supermarket is their natural habitat and you just happen to be in it. Every crucial space of supermarket will undoubtedly have an ewok stationed within, and should you ask them to kindly move a little so you can squeeze by with your measly basket, the supermarket ewok will look extra hard at that label on the item they’re clutching and turn away. 

But the supermarket ewok really comes into its own when you have to do the last dash at the check out. You know the deal – an egg’s broken and there’s a queue round the milk aisle all tutting and rolling their eyes as you try and remember where the hell you managed to find eggs in the first place, let alone the replacement box. You take the risk, you go for it – up to aisle 100 and back in 10 seconds – you can do it – until, that is, you crash into the supermarket ewok. A roadblock like no other, there’s no space to navigate it , you’ll just have to detour. Back up, down the other aisle, but there it is ANOTHER supermarket ewok, blocking you in like a pro. Short of leapfrogging it, there’s no option but to retreat and face the defeat. YOu have been ewoked.

the way it should be